Late Night Musings
by sweetlilfighter
Summary: While lying awake next to tonights conquest, Daniel thinks some thoughts.


Her name was Sharon, or was it Sheryl? He couldn't remember, but it didn't matter. It never mattered. Tonight, the beautiful blonde laying next to him was pleasure, tomorrow she was just another notch in the headboard. He'd give her the usual spiel: "I'll call you," which of course he never would, then he'd soften the blow with a pair of diamond stud earrings which, while very expensive and beautiful, were as impersonal as a hand shake and a "so long." As always, he'd get his assistant, Betty, to make the arrangements with the jewelers, and he could already feel her patented Look burning the back of his neck.

He smiled to himself and shifted position. Betty. The one relationship he had with a woman that wasn't complicated. He and Betty had a natural chemistry that both amazed and comforted him. He had never had a platonic relationship with a women before. He had never thought himself capable. He was always too busy trying to bed every woman he met that he never took the time to get to know any of them. Until Betty. When she walked into his life with her loud poncho and glistening braces, bedding her was the furthest thing from his mind. That's not to say he thought she was unattractive, she had her own...style. The more he had gotten to know her, the more he saw her as a beautiful, intelligent women. Now he wasn't going to lie and say that he hadn't on occasion imagined what it would be like to make love to her (with Betty it would never be just sex), after all he was a guy. But she meant so much more to him than that. She was the best friend he would ever have. She believed in him and pushed him to be what she knew he was meant to be. She was always by his side and was always ready to go that extra mile when he needed it. And while he liked to think he treated her with all the care and support that she showed him, he knew he still had a ways to go. But he was trying. For her. Because of her. She had opened his eyes to so much in such a short period of time, and he was so very grateful for that. She had opened his heart.

Yet it was with that open heart that he had stumbled so blindly into Sophia. For once in his life he had found love. Actual love, or so he thought. He had committed himself to her, which was a first for him. She played him so well, was such an incredible actress, because he believed every line she fed him. When she batted her eyes and told him she loved him, he believed it. When she showed hesitation because she was afraid of being hurt he did everything he could to show her she was the only one he wanted. He had loved her enough to make her his wife. He'd picked out the perfect ring, had proposed in front of his parents, had given everything he could possibly give, and it was all for nothing because she never loved him. He was nothing more than a publicity stunt for her. He felt like a fool, he felt used. He felt much the same way Sharon (Sheryl?) would feel in a few days, waiting by the phone fingering her diamond studs. And by that time he, Daniel "Playboy" Meade, would be on to his next conquest, because all the work put into opening his heart had been undone the moment Sophia had placed the engagement ring back in his hand and walked out of his life. In that moment he was sure that true love really didn't exist.

Of course he had grown up with that belief, learning about so-called love from the actions of his parents. One might make the argument that they were still together after all these years, still so much in love, but then one under that impression didn't know them at all. Daniel knew better. He saw the affection they had for each other, yes, but neither were truly happy. His father had cheated on his mother numerous times, even carried on an extended love affair with Daniel's Mode predecessor. His mother claimed to forgive her husband's indiscretions for the sake of the family, but forgive is such a strong word. What she had really done was find solace at the bottom of a bottle, or bottles he should say. One might again argue that the death of Alex, Daniel's brother, had thrown them into chaos, but again Daniel knew Alex's death was just a large spotlight thrown at the family showing the world what he already knew.

And now they find out Alex wasn't dead. Alex was now Alexis, the sister. Now if Betty was Daniel's least complicated relationship with a woman, then Alexis was the complete opposite. Some days Daniel just didn't know how to look at her. It didn't really feel like his brother was still alive because Daniel couldn't see him. He couldn't see anything "Alex" in the face or body of the beautiful, tall woman he had become. He, no, she, had told Daniel to look into the eyes, because "they were the only things the doctors couldn't change," but Daniel looked, and he saw nothing familiar. Then again he never believed in any of the poetics associated with ones eyes. How you could see so much in them. All Daniel could see was his own reflection. That aside, he was trying to come to terms with Alexis. Trying to find some way of reconnecting with his only sibling, and each day was getting a tiny bit easier. Again it was mostly because of Betty and the way she had changed him with her friendship.

No, she hadn't changed him, she had simply brought out his true self, because that's what friends do to you. Well, it's what they should do. He could never imagine Becks bringing out anything but Daniel's playboy side. Just having the guy in the office one day and Daniel had started to objectify the women around him once again. Laughing as Becks picked out the "hot ladies" he'd like to have his way with, and once again making bets on who to bed.

Just like in college. Just like the bet that, at the time, seemed innocent enough, but made him feel sick inside when he thought about it now. Back then it wasn't about bedding the hottest woman, but really bedding any woman. So when Becks had thrown the challenge of seducing the campus nurse, Daniel was all smiles. She wasn't the most attractive woman he had ever met, but it was college and he had a bet to win. Besides, a lay was a lay in those days, and the bragging rights were really all that mattered. So he only felt a slight twinge of regret when word of their sexual encounter had spread across campus, and she had been fired. He wondered what had become of her. He knew such indiscretions weren't taken lightly, and he was sure wherever she was today, she wasn't a campus nurse anymore. And while he couldn't remember her name, he knew she probably never forgot his, and not because he was a great lay, but because he stole her future.

Sighing again, Daniel turned to look at Sharon (Sheryl?) He had to stop this. He had to stop using people, women, and he had to have more respect for himself. He had to look at himself the way Betty did. See what he could be instead of what he had been. And as he drifted off to sleep he promised himself that tomorrow night would be different, knowing full well that it was a promise he may not be able to keep.


End file.
